It’s nice to see someone take responsibility for his own ignorance
“My biggest complaint about my experience at Yale is that I wished my professors had grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and challenged me to think about these things.”
-- Jamie McElroy, The Yale Herald, 3/26/04
Because on the surface, it looks like Yalies don’t know English very well
“This spring, we urge the students admitted to the Class of 2008 must look beyond the surface to decide where to matriculate.”
-- News’ View, YDN, 4/8/04
You don’t say
“Weight loss addiction takes away joy of food.”
— Helen Vera, YDN, 4/2/04
And fat women have more rights
“…the womb is a location in a woman’s body and, as such, is a space inhabited by a woman’s rights.”
— Sarah Goff, The Yale Herald, 4/2/04
Funny because people believed it
“Yale admits extra students, mistake.”
— Daniel Levin Becker, The Yale Herald, 4/2/04 (April Fool’s Day issue).
Not funny because it just wasn’t
“Levin and co. declare strike.”
— Jacob James Madelen Sullivan, YDN, 4/1/04 (April Fool’s Day issue).
Because terrorists respect the rule of law
“Fighting terrorism with bombs and Tomahawk missiles is not a way to win, but will instead provoke more extremism. Terrorism is fought with the rule of law, international law, and with intelligence services.”
— Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, YDN, 3/24/04
So is that what those girls were doing?
“Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to wear your heart on your sleeve – let it all hang out, man.”
— Daphne Miller and Katie Rockman, YDN, 2/13/04
“Harvard will offer full ride to some.”
— Amy Kaplan, YDN, 3/2/04
"John Edwards may not represent my politics, but it [sic] he represents my ethics, and in this moral debacle of a campaign, I’ll take it.”
— Brian Rose, YDN, 3/2/04
Maybe if we sent them a nice fruit basket
“Similar thoughtless, bullying comments, such as the one by Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld that the United States was prepared to fight two wars at once if needed, senselessly aggravated the situation.”
— Jenevieve Lee, The Yale Herald, 4/2/04
Where’d the eleventy-bajillion dollars go?
“University Provost Susan Hockfield announced in October that Yale would be forced to cut its staff and other expenses because of a projected $30 million deficit in the 2004-05 fiscal year.”
— Tom Sullivan, YDN, 2/13/04
And we’d like good things to happen on campus.
Regarding the Collegiate Network Outrage Award to Sex Week: “Rubinstein identified himself as a conservative and noted that he was ‘surprised’ that the group [CN] would award something for being a negative contribution to campus life. ‘I would prefer conservative groups to reward good things that are happening on campus,’ he said.”
— Kristen Thompson, The Yale Herald, 4/2/04
Because no one at Yale drinks underage.
“Still, in a moment of candor, [Lieutenant Patten of YPD] did agree that students are less likely to commit crimes than other people in the city.”
— Paige Austin, The New Journal, February 2004
Consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds
“I prefer to appear aesthetically as a man,” she said. “But I still don’t consider myself a man entirely - I don’t want to be called by male pronouns.”
— Annie Hung, The Yale Herald, 4/2/04
Upon returning from Spring Break, students were shocked to discover that Beinecke Plaza had been closed down for a brief period in order to allow bomb squad officers to investigate a suspicious package. The package turned out to be nothing more than a piece of foam with some duct tape wrapped around it. The culprits? The Yale Freestyle Dueling Association, also known as the people who make YFP staffers look cool.
Talk about friends with benefits. It seems that “commited heterosexual couples” at Yale will now receive some of the same benefits as married spouses. Committed. Now that’s a funny word. We at the YFP were under the impression that married spouses and committed heterosexual couples were the same thing, but apparently someone wanted a new category. We think it’s great that one can now announce that he is in a committed relationship without all the baggage of, you know, commitment. That and $1.50 can buy some starving YFP staffer a hotdog. And, apparently, 10% off at Domino’s.
The YFP is excited to celebrate the opening of Cultural Connections to all students, not just minority students. For years, we have maintained that institutionalizing the segregation of minority students renders diversity irrelevant. Makeshift umbrellas no more, we were proud to take our place on the winning side of the argument, which captivated attention on campus so fully that a whopping handful of students attended the three events held to discuss the changes.
And of course, we all remember the strike that crippled campus a few months ago. We also remember the deal that brought it to a close. In asking for rather generous contracts, strike leaders maintained that Yale (a.k.a. “Uncle Moneybags”) had more than enough money to pay for increased salaries and pensions. Well, crow may not be on the menu at the Proto household, but something equally unappetizing may be in the homes of those recently laid off due to the budget deficit created by his valiant efforts. The Yale worker/common man thanks you, Bob.