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The Year in Review
Katherine Mangu-Ward • Homeless Yalies, Tieless Mory's
September 2001

For those arriving on Yale’s campus for the first time this fall, I can only ask that between lugging your grandmother’s old sofa and the 18 boxes that contain your computer up to your fifth floor room, you pause for a moment and reflect on the rich heritage that you are about to become part of here at Yale University. I am sure you have all committed the propaganda that was sent to you by the administration to memory but allow me to acquaint you with some of Yale’s more recent history.  A quick look at the events of last year may make you want to hide under your bed until the spring thaw, but take heart—most of you will soon think that at least some of the lunacy described below is a good idea and will no longer be troubled.

When we arrived on campus last fall, we found that Branford’s renovations really weren’t even close to finished, but that Yale had decided to disguise this fact by having the students live there anyway.  At the same time, the renovations on Saybrook College had begun, but no one noticed, since no one knows anyone who lives in Saybrook anyway. 

Comforted by the fact that the campus was in familiar disarray, we opened up our copies of the Yale Daily News to discover that it too was in its habitual state of chaos.  As the year progressed, Brooks Eubank continued his noble effort to educate the Yale student body about whatever particular figment of his fevered brain crept out onto the page each week.  Topics included, “John Rocker: American Hero” and various and sundry ill-formulated pro-life arguments.  But Yalies love nothing more that someone to demonize, so everyone was happy.

Speaking of irresponsible and shoddy journalism, rumors abounded last year in nearly all of the many Yale newspapers and magazines about the existence of a Yale-produced porn flick called “The Staxxx” created by members of a group called Porn and Chicken.  The lovely Andi Young helped “raise awareness” by talking about the explicit sexual acts she engaged in on film.  Fortunately for all involved, it appears that the film never existed beyond a trailer spliced into the opening of a film shown by the Yale Films Society late in the year.  The important thing, thought, is that our collective awareness has been satisfactorily raised, thank God.

While the administration had very little to say about the filming of pornography on campus, students needn’t fear that Yale is not looking out for the health of their bodies and souls.  When the administration made the shocking discovery that (gasp!) THE CREW TEAM DRINKS A LOT it announced itself greatly taken aback and promised to take action immediately.  However, when someone pointed out to them just how much big alumni donors like the crew team, the administration rethought their decision to suspend the men’s varsity boat and decided to look each rower in the eye with a straight face and say, “Drinking is bad.”  Good call, Yale.

In other Yale finance news, Yale reported that the endowment had reached 10 billion dollars last year, once again, establishing that Yale’s endowment is second only to some school up in Cambridge that no one really cares about.  However, one cannot help but be impressed that the school that has been so successful in managing its money in the market would have such a poor grasp of economics.  For reasons unknown to a single person on the Yale campus, Yale started threatening to terminate the lease of Krauser’s, every one’s favorite spot for 4 a.m. sandwiches and soda, early in the year.  Their plan was to allow a shop called Gourmet Heaven to open across the street.  Though Krauser’s continued to limp along on a month by month basis, Gourmet Heaven, with Yale’s blessing, sat filled with $6.00 boxes of imported cereal and no people after delaying its grand opening for months beyond the scheduled date.  One can only assume that Yale is trying to do its part in the flagging economy by encouraging Yalies to purchase over-priced goods from a store which is fated to go under, probably within the year.  Hasten its demise, young freshmen, by going to the Doodle instead.

Those of you who do insist on going to Gourmet Heaven, will probably have to go deeply into debt in order to pay their outrageous prices and will therefore need to get summer jobs, or perhaps even a full time job after graduation.  Any of you who were hoping that Yale would assist you in eventually becoming and employed and productive member of society can give up that pipe dream right now.  In a stroke of genius rivaled only by the Gourmet Heaven decision, last spring Yale decided to move the Undergraduate Career Services office miles away from the campus.  The reasoning behind this decision appears to have been the desire to have more stuff, but fewer actual people in UCS at all times.  Of course, most Yalies have not acquired any marketable skills upon graduation anyway, so maybe Yale just owned up to the fact that its ongoing campaign to help graduates gain employment is a losing proposition. But what can you expect from a school whose fight song consists mainly of barking?

One of the more earth-shattering developments last year will continue to change the way we love at Yale in years to come, the dress code at Mory’s Temple Bar went casual.  This tragic development put every conservative at Yale in a tailspin and may be a sign of the coming apocalypse.

 Activists on campus continued to do what they always do—hold signs, yell, put up posters, and of course, engage in more “awareness raising.”  A sample of the groups who were particularly active in the past year: GESO, a bunch of graduate students who tried unsuccessfully to convince us that they were really employees and not just students, despite what the title ‘graduate student’ seems to imply; Students Against Sweatshops, a group with a great deal of crossover in the GESO crowd, generally a bunch of union-funded rowdies trying to get an unspecified level of income for people they don’t know; MEChA, a group who kicked up around Columbus Day demanding that their native lands be restored, and much, much more.  None of these groups made much of an impact last year beyond the awareness that they were just buzzing around, so now you know… they existed and may continue to do so.

That about wraps up the antics of the Yale student body and administration last year.  It may seem disheartening now, but wait until you are a cynical and jaded senior.  Then it will seem much, much worse. 

—Katherine Mangu-Ward, TD ’02, is a former Editor-in-chief of the YFP.  

The Yale Free Press is published by students ofYale University. 
Yale University is not responsible for its 
contents. By the same
token, The Yale Free Press is not responsible for the contents of Yale



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