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September 2001
The Yale Free Press is published by students ofYale University. 
Yale University is not responsible for its 
contents. By the same
token, The Yale Free Press is not responsible for the contents of Yale

In light of the recent outcry against the excessive harm caused by 
Yale University’s honoring of proponents of the culture of slavery, 
the C.R.U.D. demands that the following colleges be renamed.

Calhoun College
Honoring John C. Calhoun, whose outrageous   defense of slavery against the “oppressive” “tariff-wielding” North, has caused suffering to all Yale students of color, whether they know it or not.  In addition to this, his appearance terrified children of all ages and further scarred the nation.
Mumia College
Mumia Abu Jamal’s heroic struggle in the face of oppression is a model for all minorities.  Instead of constructing useless political theory like John Calhoun, Mumia speaks more truth with the act of desperation for which he will be martyred, and continues to prophesy boldly. (ask about his rates for speaking engagements, commencements, bar mitzvahs, funerals!) 
Berkeley College
Bishop George Berkeley relentlessly imposed his beliefs upon others, holding that only through Jesus is one saved.  To this end he endowed a Christian school and forced “savages” to attend and observe repressive Christian practices.  No doubt his absurd philosophy had something to do with this hate for the flesh.
Che Guevara College
Che Guevara’s philosophy is much more comprehensible, rooted only in the material world.  This marvelous marxist supported camps that taught this liberating philosophy.  He fought honorably against the same imperialist bourgeoisie that we Yalies fight, and who we protect the poor frombecoming.
Timothy Dwight College
Timothy Dwight owned one slave, 
and trained more pro-slavery clergy
than any other schoolman in America.
And he kicked a dog once. 
Larry Flynt College
This courageous free speech activist owned only one sex-slave.  He broke down barriers of censorship, especially by his depiction of liberation through mutilation and humilation. 
Morse College
Samuel F. B. Morse believed in the superiority of the white race, and upheld slavery as a means of upholding the delicate balance of society. Also, his code and telegraph were used to transmit racist messages.
Sanger College
Margaret Sanger was a pioneer feminist whose resolve to make birth control available to all, particularly to hapless recent immigrants like Jews, Poles, and Italians, and any who would have too many children for their own good, ultimately preserved the nation’s delicate balance and staved off social chaos. 
Silliman College
Benjamin Silliman was German.  Haven’t they caused enough pain and suffering?
Fyvush Finkel College
Fyvush Finkel is Jewish.  And he’s so likeable!
No one could object to him. 
We also demand:
-Volunteers to scratch out  the de-honorands’ names from old documents, yearbooks, photographs, alumni mailings, personal correspondence, and the like; also, one volunteer needed to remove the “c” from all keyboards in the Mumia College master’s office. 
-Chisels, hammers, sickles, sledge hammers, magic markers, peanut butter, and black paint (to throw at Calhoun’s portrait, bust, carvings, and descendants); also, a public burning of all books by, about, for, or read by or to John Calhoun. 
-The total abandonment of Morse Code. 
-Examination of the question of whether Yale should be renamed, perhaps to Honey Nut Chex University (sweet, but not  too sweet, so everyone likes it). 


John C. Calhoun says, “Lool away, look away.”
Fyvush Finkel says, “Mazel Tov!”

Sponsored by C.R.U.D. and
the Committee for Liberal Reform
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