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THE BEST OF GRINDING THE AXE 2000-2001
Media Watch 
Yale Notes
September 2001

Media Watch

O the times, O the eels!
“‘Maybe it’s a sign of waning sexual morays, but this doesn’t bother me as much as I would have thought,’ she says.”
—Eli Muller, YDN, 02/02/01

Controversial Care Bear
“Dare to compete, dare to care, dare to dream, and dare to love.”
—Hillary Clinton, 2001 Class Day address

Putting a human face on oppression
“Administrators: not just faceless bureaucrats.”
 —Title in Yale Herald, Freshman Issue 2001

Captain Beefheart? Kwik-E-Mart?
“Anything that rhymes with ‘fart’ is sexy.”
—Carl Erhardt, Yale Herald Freshman Issue 2001.

Also done by labor unions
“The independence and critical thinking that characterize intellectual life don’t mesh well, so the story goes, with the collectivism of labor unions. But not do they mesh well with intimidation and the abuse of power.” 
—Ty Hudson, Yale Review of Books, Spring 2001

Is that how this sentence happened?
“America’s peculiar brand of meta-feminism must have been born when pop culture threw a slumber party and started drawing Venn diagrams.”
—Sarah Merriman, YDN, 02/08/01

Don’t be  a beauty school dropout
“Encouraging the graduating class to follow their dreams and to care for their hair, Hillary Rodham Clinton LAW ‘73 spoke at Yale’s 300th Commencement as Class Day speaker sunday.
—Elyssa Folk, YDN, 5/21/01

It’s called THE Covenant.
“When I was realizing that I was gay and coming out to my parents, I thought they hate me, God hates me, and thought I was breaking some kind of covenant.”
—"Matias", quoted in the YDN, 02/19/01

Ignorance is strength
“Throughout the meeting Sunday, Healey admitted his lack of experience in New Haven, and answered questions by saying he had a lot to learn. But several committee members said Monday that Healey’s openness helped him when it came to voting.”
—Charles Enloe, YDN, 02/27/01

This just in 
“Democrats Largely Dominate City Politics.”
—headline, YDN Freshman Issue 2001

Only white people should think about Europe
“You have Condoleeza Rice, who’s brilliant in her field. Yet she’s focused on Russia – she’s a Russian specialist. I just find that interesting, that the first black person brought in would be primarily concerned with Europe, which wouldn’t really bring much change in terms of having an impact on policy in Latin America, Africa, or India.” 
—John Johnson, quoted in the Yale Herald, January 12, 2001

Traditionalist
“I think the main reason there aren’t soap dispensers is because there never have been soap dispensers.”
—John Meeske, Dean of Administrative Affairs, as quoted in the YDN, 02/02/01

Yeah, just disrespect it
“Don’t beg for help from the YCC with one breath and disrespect it with the next.”
—Leah Zimmerman, YDN 02/26/01

Let’s not be too hasty
“After all, there’s no longer any question of whether or not I, as a female, should be enrolled in Yale College.”
—Sarah Merriman, YDN, 02/08/01

You’ve never read YFP before
“We’ve razed institutionalized barriers against women in this country. Few places (save for perhaps the military) are brazen (or stupid) enough to suggest there remain roles in which males are inherently superior.”
—Sarah Merriman, YDN, 02/08/01

Yeccch
“There had to be a wild, Dionysian party beast lurking somewhere in the bowels of my soul.”
—Molly Worthen, YDN, 02/05/01

Can black people write haiku?
“I struggled to believe that, in this instance, Eminem should not be criticized for appropriating a traditionally minority art form.”
—Aisha Gayle, YDN, 2/27/01

See Below
“Acting the part of a sore losers paints a most unflattering image of our party and our values and accomplishes little beyond visceral satisfaction.” 
—John Schochet, YDN, 02/21/01

“Immature, weak and impulsive are fitting adjectives to describe Gov. Bush himself—a small man suited for a small presidency.”
—John Schochet, YDN, 11/29/00

Take our money and our guns, and you boys play nice
“By engaging the Chinese with increased trade, it provides the window of opportunity to encourage discussion and openings in other areas. This window will provide the West with the chance it needs to persuade China to improve its human rights record.”
—Michael Cheung, YDN 1/9/01

Unlike Yale?
“When Asians make up 35 percent of the five thousand students in your high school, with no Caucasian majority, a lot of pride about Asian identity develops and people tend to be ‘cliquey.’ Asians will isolate themselves in the cafeteria and only talk to other asians.”
—Jason Brody, Korean American Journal Winter/Spring 2001

That explains “The Vagina Monologues”!
 “’There is no reason for a show like A Man For All Seasons to be done in college,’ [Julia Kots] argued. ‘People have a right to try new things. They have the right to do stuff that sucks.’” 
—Scott Peterman, The Yale Herald, October 20, 2000

Ike Turner vindicated
“‘[Rugby]’s really the most physically hardcore sport for women in my mind — it’s empowering when you can get the hell beat out of you for two hours and you can get up and walk away.’” 
—Andrea Findlay, quoted in Aurora, Fall 2000

Did you expect applause?
“When a woman walks into a costume party wearing nothing more than a slip and a strap-on dildo, conversation halts in shock.”
—Andi Young, Aurora, Fall 2000

Maybe society knows something
“The act of speaking despite societal pressure to stay silent is an act of indiscretion.”
—Andi Young, Aurora, Fall 2000 

They must be in it for the travel
“’People who believe that the Israeli army wants to kill innocent people are wrong, because no soldier wants to kill.’” 
—Mandu Sen, as quoted in The Yale Herald, November 10, 2000.

And the YFP wants your lunch money
“Yale struck me as a huge intellectual playground.”
—Bill Lann Lee, Chinese-American Journal

As long as we’re bureaucrats
“Whether it’s his battle to raise the minimum wage, to establish a system of universal health care coverage for every American, to protect the judiciary from becoming a place for extreme right wing fanatics, to ensure that our public schools get the funding they need and deserve, or to keep the social safety net strong and stable, he is fighting the good fight for each and every one of us.”
—Jim DiTullio, YDN, 9/27/00

They’re called murder laws
“Now imagine that you are a minority living in a predominantly white community, wherein someone has been killed simply because he possessed a trait that you share. Do you feel safe? You would feel less alone, less insecure if you knew that there existed laws designed specifically to protect individuals like yourself.”
—Robert Su, Type, Winter 2000

Pro-worker = raising unemployment?
“When the GOP Congress waged war on American workers, Kennedy stood strong against anti-worker legislation and even succeeded in shepherding his own minimum wage increase through the halls of Congress until it received a presidential signature.”
—Jim DiTullio, YDN, 9/27/00

As if Yale Leftism had brainwaves or a pulse
“Armed with the rusty scissors of Truth and the worn-out vacuum of Mixed Metaphor, Eubank performs a biweekly partial-birth abortion on Yale Leftism on this very page, on alternate Wednesdays.”
—YDN, 9/27/00

“Pander”? 
“Most people with families tend to have conservative values, and Republicans pander to the values of hard-working Americans.” 
—Francisco Lopez, quoted in The Yale Herald, January 12, 2001

Courage v. Democracy?
“When the Vermont Supreme Court ruled that gays were being treated unequally because the state did not allow them a union similar to marriage, state lawmakers courageously passed a bill legalizing civil unions for same-sex couples, knowing possible repercussions.”
—Ethan Guillen, Herald, 09/22/00

Lies
“What is it about the Clintons that inspires such hatred from the right-wing elements of this great nation and even our own campus?”
-Jim DiTullio, YDN 03/28/01

Cable in every prison camp
“Economic progress can only serve to drive to the country’s move towards improving its living standards and ensuring that all Chinese will be able to lead a better life.”
—Michael Cheung, YDN 1/9/01.

Whereas government influence is more like a velvet glove
“In a press conference before the speech, he called corporate influence “an iron fist” that students should try to resist.” 
—Lise Clavel, The Yale Herald, October 6, 2000 

Never leave home without it
“We carry the problem of gender-specific libido (passive for women, active for men) everywhere, to classes, to parties, to strip shows.”
—Tova Feldmanstern, Aurora Summer 2001

Do you guys write this stuff just to get into Media Watch?
“Sweeping, feathered, Farrah-Fawcett-eat-your-heart-out bangs fell across poor Emily’s forehead like a spilled can of Tab.”
—Lindsay Nordell, Aurora Fall 2000

End injustice. Hire blind policemen.
“The police of Hamden are doing racial profiling. They see skin color.”
—Reverend W. David Lee, as quoted in the Herald, 09/22/00

No comprendo
“Language is something that excludes people, I think.”
—Bill Lann Lee, Chinese-American Journal

Oh, you mean the PEAR dream!
”Yes, I dreamt the dreams that all men dream.”
—Onaje Woodbine, YDN, 09/08/00

Measured in metric tons?
“No matter what their political leaning, few political observers would argue that Ted Kennedy isn’t among the 10 greatest U.S. senators of all time.”
—Jim DiTullio, YDN, 9/27/00

The only student activist who didn’t dodge the draft
“Even Nathan Hale, executed by the British for spying during the Revolution, can be considered a student activist.”
—Jacob Remes, YDN, 10/2/00

Chappaquiddick 
“Ted Kennedy is a fighter. He fights for all Americans. But he’s also a survivor.”
—Jim DiTullio, YDN, 9/27/00

Telos of myriad pretensions
“Is there some telos to the myriad of classes that I can take over the course of four years?”
—Justin Zaremby, Light & Truth, September 2000

Pontius Pilate, conservative
“The Conservative knows that society cannot be perfected by some new and fresh folderol; he knows that political actions are not to be based on and formed by the machinations of some self-proclaimed genius. He knows that new visions and plans most often destroy the order and peace that were fostered and maintained through the traditions and absolutes that these new ideas so vehemently attack.”
—Matthew Medearis and Christopher Arendt, Light & Truth, September 2000

Duh! E-mail joseph.defeo@yale.edu
“In case you haven’t noticed, there’s a vast right-wing conspiracy brewing on campus.”
-Jim DiTullio, YDN 03/28/01
 
 

The Best of Yale Notes

Senator Clinton, in her Class Day address, compared her struggle and those of the graduating class to the plight of escaped slaves, fleeing from armed slave catchers and dogs.  Talk about trivializing the suffering of others. 

Kudos to quondam YFP contributor Kate Moran.  In an otherwise predictable account in the Herald of the Class Day address, Miss Moran noticed that the Senator was wearing white pumps before Memorial Day.  Only in the South is it tasteful to wear them earlier.  Remember, Senator Clinton, you’re a New Yorker now.

The Phantom Menace
An ad for Taste of India appeared in the last issue of the YFP.  The Herald in May listed it as a place to have your parents take you on commencement weekend. The problem is that Taste of India has been closed for some time, after an incident with a motorist entering the restaurant without first getting out of his automobile.  What could be behind this chilling pair of coincidences?  Probably sloth.

This summer Urban Outfitters decided to prominently display a shirt in its Broadway storefront with a “CCCP” logo. YFP Publisher Yevgeny Vilensky, former resident of the USSR, was none too pleased, and wrote a letter of complaint.  One response excused the shirt bearing the Soviet logo as one of many “controversial” items sold in the store.  The company’s president, Richard A. Hayne, who described himself as a supporter of the anti-Communist movement, wrote, “The shirt was supposed to represent the triumph of our system over the Soviet Union, not some nostalgic act of sympathy for Communism. … [A]s we developed the shirt, I came to realize that the great majority of our under twenty-five year old staff (and customer base) has no idea what CCCP stands for. I tried to give a very brief history lesson to our young staff on the Soviet social experiment and the devastation it created. That so little knowledge and understanding of these events exists with younger Americans is a tragedy.”  The YFP wonders when we will display the triumph of the civil rights movement over its foes with a shirt bearing the slogan, “Segregation today, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever”?  Too soon?  Imagine how gulag survivors feel.

Cereals available at Gourmet Heaven:
King Kamut Crisp, Heritage Bits, Gorilla Munch, Koala Crisp (the YFP notes with sadness that there are no koalas in Koala Crisp.), EnviroKidz Organic Amazon Frosted Flakes, Orangutan-O’s.
Cigarettes available at Gourmet Heaven:

Al Gore has always sounded like the Unabomber.  Having grown a beard, he even looks like him now.  In related news, the YFP will reject any packages it receives.

 

 
The Yale Free Press is published by students ofYale University. 
Yale University is not responsible for its 
contents. By the same
token, The Yale Free Press is not responsible for the contents of Yale
University.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

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