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October 2001



Dear President Levin:

Thank you so much for your invitation to participate in Yale’s Tercentennial events. I regret to inform you that, for several reasons, I cannot attend. 

Unfortunately, the jester hat you so kindly sent was several sizes too small and the bells would have given blind assassins too easy a target.

Though I care deeply about the fund to aid Yale’s exploited dining workers, the Secret Service believes the charity “Dunk the W and Hold Him Under” event to be a security risk.

Along the same lines, the Secret Service was also unhappy with the University’s plans for the “Clinton-Bush Celebrity Death Match,” particularly since we are in vastly different weight classes. 

In addition, I thought that performing in a skit in which Elmo teaches me how to read, while humorous, would probably undermine the dignity of the presidency.

Finally, as much as I would have enjoyed participating in a GESO teach-in, I feel that saving these students from terrorists is a more pressing matter than securing for them a “living wage.” 

Best wishes,

George W. Bush
President of the United States of America 

President Levin says, “At least we’ll have Buckley to kick around.”
Bill Buckley says, “Shut yer yap!  There’s a ‘y’ word for you.”
Sponsored by the Tercentennial Steering Committee 
and the Committee for Liberal Reform.

The Yale Free Press is published by students ofYale University. 
Yale University is not responsible for its 
contents. By the same
token, The Yale Free Press is not responsible for the contents of Yale



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