Unit 3
Strategies for dealing with conflict
Goals:
The students will…
· Consider what is worth fighting for (the importance of the goal).
· Realize the importance of how you fight when fighting – decide not to use violence.
· Understand the five strategies of conflict management.
· Discuss when and why to use each strategy.
· Practice using each strategy.
· Accomplish the personal goal for your classroom for today:________________________ ________________________________________________________________________
The volunteers will…
· Understand the strategies for dealing with conflict.
Materials:
· Handout, double-sided copies.
· Role-play scripts, enough for each teacher and the actors.
· Conflict strategy signs for hypothetical situations activity, enough for individuals if necessary.
Methods
I. Opening Activity: Engage the Students in Conflict Strategies (5 minutes)
II. Five Ways of Resolving Conflict: Role-Play and Discussion (30 minutes)
III. What Strategy, When: Assess Learning: Hypothetical Situation Game (20 minutes)
IV. Closing Activity: Apply Strategies: Return to Worksheet (10 minutes)
Preparation:
· Get materials ready: obtain or make copies.
· Learn and understand the five conflict strategies: what they mean and when to use each one.
· Review the handout and the role-plays.
I. Opening
Activity: Engage the Students In
Conflict Strategies
(estimated time: 5 minutes)
Volunteer Leading this activity
_________________________________________
Estimated time for your class to complete this activity _______________________
Activity Goals:
· Think about different ways to solve conflicts.
· Become interested in different conflict strategies.
If possible, have handouts on the students’ desks while they are entering the room.
· Handouts should be face-up on the side that says “What would you do?”
· If it is impossible to have handouts on the desks as students arrive, review last week’s lesson as you are passing out handouts.
Tell the students not to turn the handouts over. They may begin working as soon as they get to their desks.
If you expect that the class will be unable to do the activity quickly on their own, read the handout aloud and give everyone a moment to choose which option they would do.
After you finish the activity, tell the students that you will be talking about different ways to solve conflicts today.
II. Five Ways of Resolving Conflict: Role-Play and Discussion
(estimated time: 30
minutes)
Volunteer Leading this activity
_________________________________________
Estimated time for your class to complete this activity _______________________
Activity Goals:
· Define the five strategies of conflict management through role-play.
· Discuss and understand when and why to use each strategy.
· Consider what is worth fighting for (the importance of the goal).
· Realize the importance of how you fight when fighting – decide not to use violence.
Tell the students that they are going to act out role-plays.
·
Tell them, “While you act out or watch these
role-plays, think about the different ways a conflict can be handled.”
· Remind students of role-play rules, including to always follow the script, make no physical contact, etc.
· If your students can handle individual, unsupervised group work, give them time to prepare and discuss their skits in pairs before performing them in front of the class. If you expect that the students are not capable of doing this, just choose students and have them read off the sheet in front of the class.
Write titles for three columns up on the board: “The Goal is…”, “The Relationship is…”, and “The Conflict Strategy to use is…”. Tell the students that you will fill this in as they do the role-plays.
After each role-play:
· Ask students to briefly describe what happened.
· When they give the appropriate answer, tell them the name of the conflict strategy they picked and write it on the board under the column “The Conflict Strategy to use is…”.
o WITHDRAW: Forget about it, and forget about the other person.
o SMOOTH: Let the other person have what they want.
o FORCE: Don’t let the other person have what they want. (Be careful, though, because you might not be friends again, or the other person might turn around and use it on you!)
o COMPROMISE: Neither person gets everything they want, but they each get some of what they want.
o PROBLEM-SOLVE: Together, both people think of a solution
where both of them get what they want.
(If a student asks a question about the difference
between compromise and problem-solve, refer to discussion marked ** below; see
also Unit 4).
After all the role-plays are complete, have a discussion.
· Which was the best solution? Why?
o Matt
and Madhi both really needed the basketball, but there was no reason they had
to get into a big fight about it. They
stayed friends and both got what they wanted by problem solving.
· Would this have been different if they were complete strangers, or if they were brother and sister instead of just friends?
· What were the goals of the characters?
o To
use the basketball today.
· How important were the goals?
o Fill
importance in the chart on the board in the row for “PROBLEM-SOLVE” if they
answer “very important”, or under “COMPROMISE” if they answer “somewhat
important”.
· What was the relationship between the characters?
o Friends.
· How important was that relationship?
o Fill
the importance in under “PROBLEM-SOLVE” if they answer “very important” or
under “COMPROMISE” if they answer “somewhat important."
· Ask the students which conflict strategy they should use in the following cases. Fill in the chart on the board so it looks like the chart shown below. Stress the link between the relative importance of the goal and relationship and which strategy to use.
o They both really need the ball, but they’re good friends and don’t want to ruin that (both goal and relationship are important, PROBLEM-SOLVE)
o They don’t really need the ball, but they also aren’t really close with the other person (neither the goal or the relationship are important, WITHDRAW).
o They do need the ball, but the friendship is somewhat important too (both the goal and the relationship are somewhat important, COMPROMISE).
o The friendship is much more important than the getting the basketball (relationship is more important than goal, SMOOTH).
o Getting the basketball is much more important than the friendship (the goal is more important than the relationship, FORCE).
Goal is… Relationship is… Conflict Strategy is…
not very
important not very important WITHDRAW: “no way” somewhat
important somewhat important COMPROMISE: “some way” very
important very
important PROBLEM-SOLVE:
“our way” not very
important very important SMOOTH: “your way” very
important not very
important FORCE: “my way” |
(note: There is a fine line between “very important” and “somewhat important.” In fact, the relative importance is what counts the most in choosing a strategy. You may need to clarify this if the students bring it up.)
·
**What is the difference is between compromising
and problem solving? Is one just
a greater, more effortful level of another?
o In
compromising, each person gets part of what they want, but not all of it. In problem solving, both people get all of
what they want, but it’s harder, and maybe impossible in some cases.
o Problem
solving is compromising that is more complex – it takes more than a simple step
to come to a decision because the goal is VERY important to each party.
· How are the goal and the relationship related in choosing which strategy to use?
o Seeing
which (goal, relationship) is more important determines which strategy is best.
· Is one solution better for very important goals?
o Forcing
or Problem-solving
o Why would you pick problem-solving over forcing?
· Is one solution better for very important relationships?
o Smoothing
or Problem-solving
o Would you pick one over the other?
·
In problem-solving, you both get your way.
· Ask again, what is the best solution to Mahdi’s and Matt’s problem?
o Problem-solving
· Is there ever a time when problem-solving wouldn’t be best?
o We’ll be talking about different things that go into problem-solving for the rest of Peace by Peace – things like communication, respecting each other, and negotiation.
This is pretty complicated. Make sure to ask the students, “What questions do you have?” before you continue.
Tell the students that you will give them some examples and you want them to think of what they should do in each case according to the list on the board. Remind them to judge the relative importance of the goal and relationship and not just think of the “right” answer. Ask them why they choose what they would do. (Answers will vary.)
· Your best friend accidentally spilled something on your new jeans.
o For
example, treat it like no big deal (smooth), or borrow some jeans from your
friend so you can wash yours (problem solve)…depending on how important the
jeans are.
· A total stranger came up and started making fun of the way you look in front of some kids in your class that you’re trying to impress.
o Since
the goal (look cool) is more important than the relationship (strangers), you
might retort in order to look cool (force).
o Why wouldn’t fist-fighting or insulting be a good idea?
·
Your brother needs to watch a documentary on TV for
school, but you can’t bear to miss the MTV music awards, and your family only
has one TV and none of your friends are home.
o In
this situation, the brother’s reasoning
is obviously more compelling than the other’s, but both people feel equally
strongly about their sides.
o You’d
have to problem-solve, since both goal and relationship are important… for
example, by switching channels at commercials, or having your brother find a
friend’s house to go to.
Tell the students that you will now practice choosing the right conflict strategy some more.
III. What Strategy, When? Assess Learning: Hypothetical Situation Game
(estimated time: 20
minutes)
Volunteer Leading this activity
_________________________________________
Estimated time for your class to complete this activity _______________________
Activity Goals:
· Assess what the students have learned about the five conflict strategies.
· Practice choosing the appropriate conflict strategy.
Depending on your class, either:
· Post signs with the five conflict strategies around the room in different spots (this should be done ahead of time if possible, or while the other teacher explains the game).
· Or, keep your students in their seats and hand out signs for individuals or small groups to hold up (choose this method if you have classroom management problems).
Explain the game to the students.
· The students will hear a hypothetical conflict situation.
· They should consider how important the relationship and the goal are, then choose an appropriate strategy (look at the chart on the board or handout for help).
· After they choose the strategy, they should either walk to the part of the room with the appropriate strategy, or hold up their individual sign, depending on how you are playing.
· After each choice, you will ask why those people chose that strategy.
Read the following situations. If students are unable to assess the importance of the goal and the relationship, walk them through it (“What is the goal? How important is it? What is the relationship? How important is it? So which strategy should you use?”). Otherwise, ask them after each situation why they chose the strategy they chose.
· You and your best friend both need to read the same book by Friday. There is only one copy of the book at the library. What strategy do you use?
o Compromise.
· Your best friend shows your boyfriend or girlfriend a note you wrote about him or her. What strategy do you use?
o Goal:
get your best friend to stop or apologize.
o Problem-solve.
· The student next to you – a boy you don’t really know – looks at your work during a test and gets you into trouble.
o Force.
· Your mother makes you wash the dishes, which makes you late for the movies.
o Withdraw
or smooth.
· Even though there is no dress code, your parents won’t let you wear sneakers to school. Everyone else does.
o Compromise.
· The student who sits behind you in class – a girl you don’t really know – distracts you by constantly tapping your chair and throwing paper wads at you.
o The
relationship is somewhat important because you have to sit next to her all
year.
o Compromise.
· A kid in the car next to you looks at you funny.
o Withdraw
or force.
· You trip over one of your best friends’ feet in the hallway. You don’t know whether she put her foot there on purpose or not.
o Smooth.
If there is extra time, after each situation, have a couple of students act out the resolution of the conflict according to their chosen strategy.
IV. Closing Activity: Apply Strategies: Return to Worksheet
(estimated time:
10 minutes)
Volunteer Leading this activity
_________________________________________
Estimated time for your class to complete this activity _______________________
Activity Goals:
· Assess what the students have learned about the five conflict strategies.
· Practice choosing the appropriate conflict strategy.
Have the students turn to the back of their handout from the beginning of class and answer the questions.
·
Goal:
watching the movie.
o People
may disagree over the importance of the goal, but that’s ok.
·
Relationship:
good friends, very important.
After the students have had a chance to work for a few minutes, go over as a class which action was which strategy.
·
A = forcing, B = withdrawing, C = smoothing, D =
compromising, E = problem solving.
Ask the students:
· So which strategy would you choose?
· If what they chose this time was different from what they chose originally. If so, ask, “Why did you change your mind?”
· What would be the results of each action?
If there is extra time, act out the solutions.
BEFORE YOU GO:
· Tell the class when you will be visiting next.
· Discuss with the teacher how your group handled the students and ask for his or her critique.
· Make notes for yourself on how the lesson went.
MATERIALS:
· Handout for Opening Activity: Engage the Students In Conflict Strategies and Closing Activity: Apply Strategies: Return to Worksheet
o Double-sided copies, enough for the whole class.
· Role-play scripts for Five Ways of Resolving Conflict: Role-Play and Discussion
o Enough for each teacher and the actors.
· Conflict strategy signs for What Strategy, When? Assess Learning: Hypothetical Situation Game
o One of each strategy sign (make these yourself on 8½ x 11 paper), or enough copies of individual signs (included) for each student, depending on your class.
You and your brother
Tevan usually have lots of fun together.
One day, however, you have a conflict.
You’re both at your friend Lashonda’s house. While you are outside, Tevan puts a movie into the VCR. But you wanted to watch another movie. There is only one VCR. You want to watch your movie right now. So does Tevan. What can you do so you can watch your movie?
a.
You grab your movie, take his out of the VCR, and say, “Let me
watch my movie now or you’ll be sorry.”
b.
Say, “I don’t want to watch my movie anymore and I don’t like
you anymore either.” Forget about the
dumb movie and give up on Tevan ever being your friend again.
c.
Say, “You can watch your movie.
I really didn’t want to watch mine.”
Let Tevan watch the movie as long as he wants to keep you as a friend.
d.
Say, “If you let me watch my movie I’ll let you have a turn at
my computer later.” Make a deal.
e.
Say, “Let’s figure out a way that we can watch both movies.”
Figure out a way.
First,
choose a strategy. . .
1.
What is the goal?______________________________________________________
2.
How important is this goal? (not very important, somewhat important, or
very important)
_____________________________________________________________________
3.
What is the
relationship?________________________________________________
4.
How important is this relationship? (not very important, somewhat
important, or very important)
______________________________________________________________________
Goal is… Relationship is… Conflict Strategy is…
not very important not
very important WITHDRAW: “no way” somewhat important somewhat
important COMPROMISE: “some way” very important very
important PROBLEM-SOLVE:
“our way” not very important very
important SMOOTH: “your way” very important not
very important FORCE: “my way” |
5.
Using the list above and based on the importance of your goal and
relationship, which strategy should you
use?____________________________________________________
Second,
choose an action that matches your strategy. . .
1. Choose which conflict strategy corresponds
to each action:
a.
You grab your movie, take his out of the VCR, and say, “Let me watch my
movie now or you’ll be sorry.”
(Strategy:_________________________________________)
b.
Say, “I don’t want to watch my movie anymore and I don’t like you anymore either.” Forget about the dumb movie and give up on
Tevan ever being your friend again.
(Strategy:_________________________________________)
c.
Say, “You can watch your movie.
I really didn’t want to watch mine.”
Let Tevan watch the movie as long as he wants to keep you as a
friend.
(Strategy:_________________________________________)
d.
Say, “If you let me watch my movie I’ll let you have a turn at my
computer later.” Make a deal. (Strategy:_________________________________________)
e.
Say, “Let’s figure out a way that we can watch both movies.” Figure out
a way.
(Strategy:_________________________________________)
2. Choose which action to do based on which
conflict strategy you picked in the first part of this
handout:______________________________________________________
ROLE-PLAYS
Depending on your class, you can choose whether to give them the title of the conflict style on their script or just to keep it for your own reference and announce it after they act out each skit.
WITHDRAW
Mahdi: Hey, that’s my basketball. I checked it out today.
Matt: Then why was it on the bench? I got it
first. You can’t play basketball
anyway. What do you want with a ball?
Mahdi: Okay, then… (walking away angrily) You never play fair! I had it first.
SMOOTH
Mahdi: Matt, don’t take that ball. I checked it out. I need it to practice.
Matt: Okay. I was just fooling around with it anyway. Let me know when you’re finished.
FORCE
Mahdi: Hey, give me that basketball! I checked it out.
Matt: Too bad. I got it first.
Mahdi: Give it to me. (He grabs the ball.)
Matt: You’re such a jerk!
Mahdi: Ha, ha, thanks for the ball.
COMPROMISE
Matt: I need this ball to practice foul shots.
Mahdi: I checked it out, and I need it too. Can we work something out?
Matt: (doesn’t respond, just keeps bouncing the
ball)
Mahdi: Hey, I need that ball!
Matt: Well, I have a game tomorrow, so I need to practice. When do you need it?
Mahdi: Let me have it now, and I’ll be finished with it by 5:30.
Matt: I was hoping to have it right now, but I can live with that.
PROBLEM SOLVING
Matt: I need this basketball for practice.
Mahdi: I checked it out, and I need it, too. You are always taking my things. Last week you borrowed my notebook and I failed the math test.
Matt: Can we work something out? I have a game tomorrow, and I need to practice foul shots.
Mahdi: I am trying out for the school team tomorrow. Could you find another basketball?
Matt: This game is really important. You don’t care as much about playing as I do.
Mahdi: Really, can’t you find another basketball?
Matt: I guess so, if there’s another one around here.
Mahdi: Actually, I saw one in the office. Let’s go see.
FORCE
PROBLEM-SOLVE
COMPROMISE
WITHDRAW
SMOOTH
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