Do many homosexuals have a heterosexual relationship or relationships in attempts to deny their sexuality? Or do they try to conform?

This is a question that can not be answered specifically...there are multiple possibilities. Some lesbian and gay individuals have a clear understanding of their sexual orientation from an early age, accept that as who they are, and only date members of the same sex. Others understand who they are or at least have some idea, and yet still feel as if being in heterosexual relationships is necessary. This may be because they are having trouble accepting themselves. People can try really hard to avoid believing they are truly gay since coming out involves aligning oneself with a stigmatized group. Society has a tendency to assume heterosexuality, thus we are socialized to be in heterosexual relationships and discovering that is not your life is a long, slow process for many. Other lesbian and gay individuals may not even be aware of their sexual orientation at a given point and may date members of the opposite sex simply because that is what it is assumed everyone will do.

Do you know the percentage of out gay/lesbian/bisexual people at Yale?

The accepted statistic is that between 4 and 8 percent of the population is gay or lesbian. However, sexual orientation is a continuum and surveys rarely allow for gray areas. Although it is difficult to determine, Yale may have a higher percentage than the general population. Yale has a reputation as begin a gay-friendly school and many high school students use that as one of their criteria when applying to colleges.

Can homosexuals or bisexuals detect that another person is also homosexual/bisexual?

You may hear gay/lesbian/bisexual people joking about something called "gaydar" -- the mysterious ability to identify others like themselves. The truth is, that there is nothing paranormal about it. Sometimes it is quite easy to determine the sexual orientation of others, but a queer individual may be more in tune with the subtle signals. They may be more likely to notice a button with a political statement, the symbol on a certain necklace, or a reference to a particular bookstore. This is simply because it is so much a part of their life. Secondly, we live in a society that assumes heterosexuality, but being queer is the perfect anecdote to that assumption. Gay, lesbian, and bisexual people may be more inclined to consider the possibility of someone being gay and less likely to assume they are straight. This may make it easier to pick up on the clues others are using.

Could you explain the term transgendered?

Transgendered is a term that has come to be defined in multiple ways. In general, it refers to someone who does not feel that the traditional definitions of their gender apply to themselves. Thus, a transgendered woman is a female who feels more traditionally masculine than feminine. (note: this is vs. androgyny which would describe someone who feels they are in the middle of the gender continuum). Self-identification is also an important part of being transgendered. In a world that did not dichotomize gender and place expectations on specific genders or sexes, transgendered would probably not exist.

Is there currently any answer to the question about whether homosexuality is genetic or hereditary?

In the last ten years there has been a tremendous amount of research attempting to answer this question. Some studies have shown that it is biological -- either as a result of prenatal hormone exposure, differences in brain morphology, or something encoded in DNA. These studies, however, are far from conclusive and other research has demonstrated a strong socialization component to sexual orientation. Chances are good that there are multiple pathways that lead to homosexuality or bisexuality. Many individuals feel as if they were aware of their orientation from a very young age, for others, they don't realize it until mid-life. One can be sure that the environment and personality differences play a strong role in determining whether an individual will realize and accept their non-heterosexuality.

Why is it that some gay couples have one member that plays the "male" role and one member who plays the "female" role? Do these people have a heterosexual inclination?

This is one of the myths surrounding same-sex relationships. We are all socialized in a heterosexual world and are influenced by its images. But what is the female role and the male role? Does it mean the male works and provides financial support and the female cooks, cleans, and takes care of the children? There is a diversity of who does what in all relationships -- whether same-sex or not. It may be that in some same-sex couples, one person prefers to mow the lawn and one prefers to cook dinner. But that does not mean one is playing the man and one is playing the woman. One high school teacher was asked in her class "Well, if you don't have a guy in the relationship, how do you know who's in charge?" Her reply was "Linda and I like to think we have a complementary, but equal relationship, that we do not play roles, but instead make decisions together. When it comes to chores, we do whatever we're willing to do or able to do. We don't think it takes a penis to carry out the garbage. Linda's mad at me right now because she doesn't think I cook enough, and she's probably right. But look at heterosexual relationships. Some have role divisions, some don't." The basic idea is that in all relationships there is a continuum of power dynamics, balances, and differences -- same-sex relationship are no exception. It is necessary to mention, however, the existence of what is called butch-femme in the lesbian community. This describes a relationship in which one woman dresses and appears like a traditional male and the other is rather feminine. Some women choose to identify themselves as butch or femme because they enjoy it. This form of role-playing, however, still takes place between two women. Appearances do not always mirror behavior and assuming that the butch woman has more power is not always true. Being butch or femme is not the same thing as being male or female -- it breaks all boundaries associated with that.

What activist groups are there to combat homophobia on the campus and on a larger scale?

There are multiple groups on campus that serve as resources to the lesbian, gay, and bisexual communities. Please see the LGBT Co-op web page for a complete listing and for a link to the Pathways web page. Attending any of the meetings should put a student in touch with a variety of lgbt peers who could help direct them to whatever resources they need. Pathways and the LGBT Co-op are the two groups that have goals of educating the general Yale community. Smaller groups within the Co-op often organize protests or demonstrations focused on specific incidents of homophobia. If someone has been the victim of homophobia, please encourage them to call Pathways to discuss their options and how they feel about the incident. They should also talk to their dean and possibly the hate crimes unit of the police department if it is a serious matter.

Is there an age during which people are more likely to come out? Is the college experience conducive to coming out?

For each individual, there is a different story. The first phase of coming out involves recognizing same-sex desires within the self. This can happen at any time -- childhood, adolescence, young adulthood and beyond. This is also true for when someone initially acts on their desires. Currently, there does seem to be a trend towards coming out earlier and earlier. Many frosh may come to Yale already aware of their sexual orientation and already out to a certain extent. It is easy to see how college may be a time when a high percentage of lgbt individuals come out to themselves or others. College students are away from home, experiencing freedom, and being exposed to new ways of being. Here are a few quotes from Yale students that describe when they first came out or realized their identity:

Yale feels fairly accepting of homosexuality but would a gay couples holding hands be gawked at? It seems so. Why? Low numbers of gay folks? Or a sense that homosexuality is okay behind closed doors or only in theory? Why do you think?

In general, Yale is a more accepting place to be lesbian, gay, or bisexual. But that is just the overall picture - there are still many homophobic individuals here and homophobia can come up anywhere. Sometimes, a same-sex couple is fine walking down the street holding hands. Other times, people may shout things at them or simply stare in disbelief. It all depends on who they happen to be walking past. But the fact is that this is something same-sex couples have to think about. It is a constant awareness in their minds that prevents something like handholding from being simple. When two men or two women hold hands as a sign of their affection, they are most likely very cognizant of the risk they are taking. Maybe it will be fine, maybe it won't.

This could mean anything -- it could mean the person is bisexual, gay, straight, or somewhere in between. Heterosexual people sometimes have same-sex fantasies just as homosexual people sometimes have opposite-sex ones. What makes someone gay or bi is not simply their fantasies, their actions, or their thoughts. It is a unique combination of those and other things that differs for each individual. Furthermore, experimentation is a natural thing -- it may or may not be indicative of something else. But having a fantasy or a same-sex encounter does not necessarily mean someone is gay or bisexual. The homophobia in society hurts everyone - it makes us believe that there are certain things that are okay to experience if you are heterosexual and certain things if you are gay or bi. But human life is not that easy to dichotomize -- by believing that it is a black and white issue, society limits what experiences people can feel okay about.

Return to the Pathways home page