For many queer people, college is the first time they begin to come to terms with their sexuality. For others, Yale will be the first place they have been "out." Wherever you are, this informal guide, a mix of facts and opinions gathered from current queer Yalies, is designed to give you some insight into queer life at Yale. It is written by Pathways Peer Counseling, a group of queer Yalies who, among other things, run a confidential telephone hot-line primarily devoted to queers and queer issues.
"I have no regrets about having come out at Yale. I've never met anyone who has. I can't even believe that there was a time when I was scared that people would know that I'm a lesbian. I haven't encountered anything seriously negative yet at Yale, and I've been out for almost a year."
"Being in the closet was so much worse. I was scared when I was coming out. But all of my friends, even the jocks and the really religious types, were kind and understanding. Coming out absolutely improved nearly all of my friendships."
Most people agree that Yale is a good place to be a bisexual, gay, lesbian, transgendered or questioning person. For the most part, students, faculty, administrators and staff are supportive of and friendly towards queers. The center of organized queer life at Yale is the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered Cooperative, known as the LGBT Co-op. The Co-op is a political action group and is the umbrella organization for most undergraduate queer groups at Yale (including Pathways). The Co-op also sponsors dances and other events. The most common kind of Co-op group is the discussion group -- weekly, informal, confidential meetings. These include GaYalies, Yalesbians, Biways and others. See the Co-op's Brochure or Web Page for a list of all the groups and their meeting times. Also look for posters for non-Co-op groups.
One man said about the discussion groups: "I think they can be a good place to meet people, and sometimes there have been meaningful discussions of important issues. But, for the most part the groups just chat. This is nice -- I mean, the atmosphere is friendly and low key, but if you have something serious on your mind it can be difficult to bring it up --although I'm sure everyone would be willing to listen." One woman said of her favorite group: "I've made great friends in it and I look forward to it each week. Its a great source of strength for me." Are the groups really confidential? One man said: "Well, yes and no. If you go to one of those meetings your straight friends are NOT going to find out. But sometimes other people in the queer community who weren't at a meeting hear about what happened, even though that isn't supposed to happen. But I definitely don't think someone in the closet should be afraid of going to these meetings -- I mean, nobody would ever 'out' anyone." If you want to see a lot of queer faces, just to see who is OUT there, be sure to go to the first meetings when attendance is highest.
What is the atmosphere at Yale towards sexual orientation? One self-described straight woman said: "I was amazed at the amount and tolerance of same-sex experimentation during my first year at Yale. Before I got here I was a sheltered Catholic girl, and all of the sudden, I was at a party and suddenly realized that this very nice woman I had been talking to was coming on to me. What amazed me was that nobody was surprised -- not even me. I ended up having my first same-sex experience and this was totally acceptable in my circle of friends. I didn't have to keep it a secret and I have no regrets about it. One straight transfer student said: "For me it was a big shock to see how little homophobia you see at Yale. At my old school the gay groups were totally a joke among the straight students. And then I got here and nobody ever says 'fag' -- they don't even seem to think it --and straight kids go to the Co-op dances and everybody, including me, has gay and lesbian friends." One male varsity athlete said: "Everyone on my team knows I'm gay. There are a few guys who always try to make sure they aren't in the showers at the say time as me, but for the most part everyone is pretty cool about it." Another man who was listening said: "The guys on my team would not be cool at all. It's like the fraternities, there are a few where being gay is fine, but there are others....You have to feel your way around, I think." One man said: "When I came out, emotionally it was terribly difficult for me. My dean was really supportive -- I even got a dean's excuse for a paper." One woman in her first year said: "My good friends know I'm bi, and probably a lot of people in the [queer] community know I'm bi, even people I've never met -- but my roommates, my teammates, most of the people in my college, they don't know, and that's the way I want it for now."
Meeting other Queers
Although going to any of the queer groups can be a good way to meet other queers, a significant portion of campus queers don't take part in organized queer events. The biggest exceptions to this are the Co-op dances. Nearly everybody on campus who is out or semi-out goes to Co-op dances, at least occasionally. Lots of grad students and people from outside of the Yale community also attend them. Quite a few straights also go -- sometimes they even out-number the queers. Going to a Co-op dance certainly is not a public declaration of your sexuality. But, this can make it more difficult for queers to identify other queers at the dances. "Coop dances are fun -- really fun -- but it can be tough to meet people at them. The music is loud and its just not the kind of place where you talk. I prefer the after-parties." Generally, there is an informal party on or off campus that people head to at the end of a Co-op dance. These parties tend to be particularly queer and are usually very good places to meet people. Ask around at the end of the dance, most of the time you don't need to know the host to go to the party. Also, throughout the year there are private, unadvertised, informal parties that, for whatever reason, tend to attract a lot of queers. "Yeah, I think there is some gay social life here, apart from the organizations. Of course, not everyone takes part in it or even knows about it, but it exists if you look for it and want to be a part of it." New Haven also has a few gay bars and standard bars that have regular gay nights -- mostly for men. The best source of information about these and other places in Connecticut is Metroline, a free magazine available at Newshaven, or at the Yale Women's Center.
Other Resources
The Co-op Web Page is the best place to find out about organized events throughout the year. On the Web page you can also sign yourself up for the Co-op's e-mail list and have announcements automatically sent to you. Probably the most popular part of the Co-op's Web page is the Outlist. This is a list of the names of anyone in the Yale Community who signs up to be on the list. There is a form on the Web page if you want to sign up. Some people even use it as a way of meeting people. One man said: "One day this guy emailed me and said he had seen my name on the Outlist, and asked if I would like to meet. I figured why not? I'm glad he had the courage to do it."
There is a queer student's center at 305 Crown Street -- two small, comfortable rooms in the Film Studies building. It isn't used for too much because it isn't centrally located or large, but anyone can arrange to use it -- see the WEB page. The center also has a small library of queer-related books and magazines, listed on the WEB page. Obviously, Sterling and CCL are good places to look for such books, as well. If you are looking for queer-related courses you should also be able to find a "pink book" at your dean's office, which lists courses being offered that deal with queer issues. This booklet is published by REFLAGS, the closest thing Yale has to a Queer Studies Department. They also sponsor lectures, meetings, and a small number of classes on Queer issues. Other Yale resources include several groups for Grad Students (listed on the WEB page) and GALA - Gay And Lesbian Alumni which sponsors a $500 prize for the best queer-related senior essay.
If anyone gives you grief for being queer, remember that Yale has an official policy banning discrimination based on sexual orientation. Yale also has strict policies on sexual harassment. Your dean, frosh counselor, or Pathways can give you information about dealing with any problems you may encounter. If you don't feel comfortable talking to your own frosh counselor, there are several openly queer counselors.
Finally, you should know that Yale has a long standing reputation as a queer-friendly school -- perhaps more than any other University in the world. There are lots of famous queers who have gone to Yale, and without doubt there are more coming through. We are all part of the glorious queer-Yale tradition!