ALIAS: The Best Crayon

HOMETOWN: Fort Worth, TX

FAVORITE ANIMAL: The elephant in the corner

FAVORITE FOOD: Ambrosia and nectar


Day 223.5

Captain Blackwell has forbidden us from wandering outside our tents after 6:66pm (Hanson pointed out that that was actually 7:06 and was shot 706 times in the gut; we do not question Captain Blackwell): he fears the cougars may be drawn by the scent of our inferiority.  His genius never fails: if it weren’t for his keen sense of smell and acute grasp of the creatures around him we would never be so deep in the New Haven jungle…alive.  How lucky we are to follow this Man-God!  He promises we will soon reach the sacred Corridor of Licentiate Lessons and reap the benefits of the Sprinkler of Immaturity.  So long as the cougars do not get to us first…but we will follow him to edge of the world if need be. [Beeping is heard] The cougar alarm!  [Gunshots are heard] In Blackwell we trust! 


Your house is foreclosed.